Warum Vaterland.

A dedication to mother Africa.

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Why does my pulse react when you touch me? Why do I feel your presence sensually mitigating my very existence? Why have you pooh-poohed my love and admiration for you?

I idolized you. Trusted you. Gave you all I had. Yet, you belittled me, played and then hurt me. What did I do wrong? Have I changed? Am I not the person you fell in love with? I mean if you found other women out there, or no longer find interest in me, you can tell me. I mean all I [really]wanted was that you love me in return.

Give me a little of your time, attention, and love as you used to [ in the past].But if you want me to go, just give me the sign at least. Because of late I feel like we’ve drifted apart. You seem to have forgotten me like a bad idea.Why?

Why did you have to complicate things between us? Is it a sign signaling my time’sup? Because- if yes,I am ready to go. In fact, I was going to name this letter the break-up.


Because I found out that even though it will be a hard thing to do, if I went on my own, I might end up feeling better. Cos then I’ll know my heart isn’t tied to any one anymore. And yes I must say regardless of my brevity, deep in me,I want you to stay, to tell me that it’ll be fine. That it’s just a misunderstanding.

Deep down, I want you. In fact, I need you cause I still love you. Remember how I used to be your everything? So Please let it be a misunderstanding. Write back to me, and tell me how much panic I’m creating. Write to me and tell me not to worry because without me you can’t function the same. Write to me as soon as possible. I’ll be waiting. Bye.

love, Me.


How rude,and unbelievable you are! It has been a while, and still no reply. What is wrong with you? Couldn’t you tell from my stress and urgent-sounding tone,that you needed to write back?

Wow! How did we get here? How did we end up in this [lonely] place? This place with, pain and anger hanging over its walls.I guess, all the memories of you telling me not to be afraid to love you, were just make-believes.

Well, Thank you for making me feel like a fool. A fool that I am. A fool that has for all these years [foolishly] loved you. However,  thank you too for making me recognize that nobody Deserves to stay with a person who doesn’t know the difference between thinking about how bad the past was and always thinking about your past.

The past is the past. But the present and future are what’s important. You see, I thought my future was bright because you were in it. But thanks to you I know my future was bright because I was in it. So thanks and I wish you the best.

9a3246b8529eb77dceac11c3bd1321fb BYE.

Part 3

This woman again…. Always complaining. Yo bro (calls out to one his friends)
Shows him, then says watch this.


Speaking as he types.
“My dear, don’t worry. You know I love you… Don’t worry I have been away on business and I hadn’t actually seen your mail. how are you? How have you been? I missed you so much. did you see the dresses and flowers I sent you? I mean isn’t that a sign of love? If only you know how expensive they are. Well, don’t worry I’ll be back soon. and will give you everything you want in the world only if you understand that you are just getting worried for nothing. You are my one and only love. Ok? The sentimental attachment I have for you is like a copied assignment. hard to explain. I’m sorry that hurt you ok. see you soon.?”

He wrote to me. Yay 🙂
I told you I’m the best he loves me.
Shows friend
Friend analyzes the mail and then says wake up Africa! it’s a lie!

Part 6.

“Wait tell me why will I take advice  from all of you? He is my man and I want him.” screams as she texts her “man” Europe back…


THE REST IS HISTORY… Cos were still here suffering.

 I am an African tired of seeing us grow up with the mentality of dependency. I’m tired of waiting for a savior and not working hard to make his coming easy. And after watching this video, I decided to write this poem. And address it to all my fellow Africans and friends of Africans [lol] … It’s time to wake up. Let us not act like couples at war. Playing ego games and all that. It’s time to wake up and realize the answer to our problems is us. I understand they call us children of mother Africa, but it is up to us to help our mother realize her worth. Let her realize it’s time to act on reasoning and not old emotions based on colonialism and slavery. It is time to come together and work for a better tomorrow for mama Africa. It’s time to wake up, not to fight the oppressor but to work BETTER and OPENLY with him. Cos if you can’t beat them join them. Besides two wrongs don’t make a right now does it?

Hope you like it. My name is Verberile, and I approve this message. So share it after reading 🙂

Us Vs Them

“All the people like us are “We”,And every one else is “They”. I’ve been told “We” live high over the sea,
While “They” live over the way.
But-would you believe it?

“They” look upon “We”
As only a sort of “They”!


Once you cross over the sea, Instead of over the way,
You may end up by looking on We
As only a sort of “They”!

So who then is part of We and part of They? and Why does it matter so much? ”

A short piece to criticize the we vs them mentality.

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“If you want to make peace with your enemy, you have to work with your enemy. Then he becomes your partner.” ~ Nelson Mandela

“If you want to end the war then Instead of sending guns, send books. Instead of sending tanks, send pens. Instead of sending soldiers, send teachers.” ~ Malala Yousafzai (17 year-old Noble Peace Laureate)

“Peace cannot be achieved through violence, it can only be attained through understanding.” ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

Father and Mother, and Me, Sister and Auntie say

All the people like us are “We”,

  And every one else is “They”.

I’ve been told “We” live high above the sea,

  While “They” live over the way.

But-would you believe it?

“They” look upon “We”

As only a sort of “They”!

I mean, “We” eat ‘fufu’ and ‘ndole’

with our hands while

“They” gobble their pork and beef with their metal forks and knives,

off a ceramic plate, well placed on well polished wooden tables.

To THEM, we live high up in the tree and feast on grubs,

while to us “They” [all] live in fancy houses, lavishing in money, and eternal happiness.

To us, “they” are quite impossible. A work of wonder, made by the gods.

But to them, we are a primitive set of people who worship idols. A bunch of impudent heathen, roaming the world.


Once you cross over the sea,

  Instead of over the way,

You may end up by looking upon We

  As only a sort of “They”!

So who then is part of We and who is part of They? and Why does it matter so much?

Does my person become better if I am part of the “We” or the “They”? If yes, who said so and how credible is this person? I ask all these questions because,deep down I’m tired of being treated fairly and unfairly because of my color and gender. I’m tired of having only one month to celebrate my person. I’m tired of looking up in the news and watching the world divide itself into little factions of we and they.

“They did this… We retaliated”. “We were never in the wrong, but they are always the cause of trouble”.

“We believe in Allah, and they believe in God”.”They are white and we are black””We are developed and they are less developed”…

So what?

Do we really need a lesson to teach us that we are all different yet the same?

How did we get here?

I mean,why do we [always] have to wait for something bad to happen to us before we see that the “We” VS “Them” mentality causes a lot of problems. Why havent we still understood that what color my skin carries[on tho outside], or what God i believe in, doesn’t make me who I am?


You see,I know someone who just died fighting the war against terrorism in Africa. Cameroon to be precise. I wont lie, at first I used to be happy that I knew someone fighting the enemy. I was happy that every time I watched the news, “We” were winning the war against “THEM”(the terrorists).


But after his death, I felt so bad to realize that the young captain I once knew was now dead and gone. In a blink of an eye, he had gone from Captain Yari Emmanuel, to late Capt. Yari Emmanuel. And for what? Because of a misunderstanding between US and THEM?

Haven’t we suffered enough from genocides,slavery and now hate-wars? Can’t We see that  the We VS Them mentality is messed up?

Why do We always [have to]claim to be all knowing? When in truth, everybody knows that nobody really knows how to make everything work, or how to ease the hurt each time we fail.

Yes! We’ve heard it all before;”They are different and We are the same”.Yet, We still dont know just how to make everything right.

I wish we gave life one more try. One more try to understand each other more.

One more try to fix the faults of our fathers.

Some of which still affect us today.

I wish we gave life one more try to understand our differences, because despite all our dissimilarities, THEY are good people.

And since all good people say “All nice people, like Us, are “We”and the rest are they”

WE will then have no reason to fight each other because we are all the same, despite the standard variations.

“The difference between what we do and what we are capable of doing would suffice to solve most of the world’s problems.” ~ Mahatma Gandhi

Based and inspired by the poem by Heather,. and a personal dedication to the late Capt. Yari Emmanuel.

“The most painful goodbyes are the ones, that are never said nor ever explained”

RIP, and Thanks for serving your country.

If you were a boy

my cover of the famous song by Beyoncé. “If I was a boy”. Just had to tweak it a bit, and address the issue from my perspective. And btw I really loved how she made the video look so real and creative. hope you like it.

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To You, Me and Us…

I’ve heard you sing about wishing to be a boy [even if its just for a day].[Lately] I’ve heard you wishing to take your imaginary shot at being the greatest mystery, a woman has ever encountered.

…A Man…

And Apparently you do all this just because you feel like all we[men] do is, “roll out of

bed in the morning, throw on what we want and grab a beer [or two] with our

buddies.” Oh, and yes [how can I forget] you also think while grabbing a beer, we love

to chase after girls-too, because no matter what we do, [we]boys have each other’s

backs. Meaning, we can never get confronted for our actions because we’d stick up

for one another.


So to you, it makes sense why you should be given a fair shot at being a man.

Cause, if you were a boy, You will better understand “How it feels to love a girl.”

Which [again] makes sense because you are a woman, and you probably have great

ideas of what makes a better man. The [ideal] man who listens to his woman and

give her what she needs, craves and loves. The man who does all the above

because he knows how it hurts to lose the one you want because you took her for


But then, you are just a girl,


who has to sit and face the harshness of life-from a girl’s perspective. After having failed to realize that a relationship is a two way thing; A give and take situation where for it to work each party has to put in as much effort. So maybe if you were a boy, you’d [probably] understand how it feels love a person, who doesn’t trust you. A person who doesn’t listen to understand but who listens to you, just to pick a fight with you.Maybe if you were a boy, you will get to learn how to appreciate the effort many guys put to earn a girl’s trust, love and loyalty.

Cause think about it, women UNDERSTAND women, yet they SELDOM like each other. However, they want men to[easily] understand them, and [readily]like/love them.


I mean, Yes I must admit that some men, act foolishly and self-centeredly. They hurt[some] women even though they[the women] really don’t deserve it. So to an extent it makes sense when you say If you were a boy, you’ll turn off your phone and tell everyone it’s broken-so they’d think that you’re sleeping alone. But on the other hand, if you put yourself first and make the rules as you go, you won’t be making anything better. Rather you might end up regretting something you once[really] wanted. And for what?

Two wrongs don’t make a right, you know. Rather,two-almost-rights, make a better right.

So instead of waiting or wishing to be a boy before you fix the world, or make it a better place why not take a look in the mirror? Ask yourself what makes you think a being a man is a better option. And if you find an answer, ask yourself why? Ask why you can’t just appreciate being the non-man you are-now.

Cause I tell you truthfully, If I was a girl, I won’t want to be a boy even for a second, because women overall are much more fascinating creatures to know, watch and interact-with. In fact, if I were a girl, I wouldn’t play petty games-[Some]women play. I wouldn’t stoop low to clean out love’s dirty laundry. I would try to understand the man I want before falling in love with him. I’d work on myself, and better my personality, my overall good-attributes, while making him remember that our relationship is a two-way thing. I would [try to] trust and support him because I know what it feels like to talk to a woman who trusts nobody.

(Sigh) If I was a girl,


I’d know nobody is perfect; No man, no woman, not-even me. If I was a girl, I’d listen to him and make him listen to me because I know how it hurts, to talk with someone who doesn’t listen. And before you go on to attack me, remember I’m not a girl, I’m just a man who thinks the key to successfully doing anything, is to properly define success. Because success is relative. So, for example maybe to you a successful relationship is one where you’re known by everyone to be HIS ”madame, lover and best friend”. Whereas to me, a successful one is one that withstands time, temptation, and temporary-quarells. I guess thats why I think If I was a girl, I’ll let my man know that I’m not with him because he is the only one. Rather I’m with him because he’s my best-self-chosen-option available from a large pool of non-women.

But-then, you’re just a Girl, and I’m just a boy. So love us for who we are, and not we what we aren’t.


The Impact of Overt Homosexuality on Hetero-masculinity

Re-write of Kalla Ag Oumar’s paper on modern masculinity

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In the past three decades, research concerning men’s studies has steadily increased. Authors have been pointing out that in the western world, masculinity is in crisis due to feminism and women’s rights, as well as homosexuality. In this article, I would like to take a closer look at ‘heteromasculinity’ given the increase in homosexual relations and the stereotyping of gay men. I would like to prove that the increase in active homosexuals has caused a shift in society, changing the grounds upon which masculinity was defined, forcing it to adapt.

Defining Masculinity

Pleck and Pleck have argued that masculinity has changed over the centuries. (as cited by Franklin, 1984) It has always been a societal construct of patriarchy.



From mid 1600s to mid 1800s, masculinity was defined as being a biological male; there was yet no distinction between sex and gender. You were considered as masculine when you were “an aggressive and competitive member of the male sex” and “you also felt that that women were temptresses and should be handled basically as one would handle a child”. However since the late nineteen century, masculinity started being defined through physical power, and the image of the man as a provider for his family took shape. This was parallel to the beginning of the liberation of women and as such,attaining a muscular built and relying on physical power was men’s way to justify the exclusion of women from certain jobs. However, the increased contact with women in the public space caused a change in masculinity-since masculine traits were set to oppose the feminine identity.

This created a distinction between stereotypic male-valued traits such as being unemotional, dominant, aggressive, not being concerned about your appearance, thinking men are superior to women, and boasting freely about heterosexual exploits; and female-valued traits like being religious, emotional, dependent, stylish, talkative and gentle. The outcome of this shift was that men couldn’t express emotions without being chastised for being a “sissy”.

As a result, most men grew up into emotionally inarticulate beings that couldn’t relate to other<people’s> feelings. It was not manly to be emotionally intimate with anyone, especially not fellow men. Fathers were not close to their children and left all the emotional rearing to the mother. Mind you, this doesn’t mean that they didn’t love their children. ’cause they did. But society conditioned<them> to show less emotion than women and fear such outpouring.

This is the cryptic message of masculinity: don’t accept who you are. Conceal your weakness, your tears, your fear of death, your love for others. Conceal your impotence. Conceal your potency. Disparage women, since their remind you too much of your feminine side. Disparage gay men since that’s too near the bone as well. Fake your behavior. Dominate others, then you can fool everyone, especially yourself, that you feel powerful. 

Horrocks (1994)

“The gay liberation movement of the 70s created more issues for masculinity, as gays were claiming the right to express affection and intimacy towards other men”-Franklin, 1984. It caused masculinity to become more fluid. Nevertheless, the ‘homohysteria‘ in society made it such that homosexual traits were stereotyped, and were used against heterosexual men that displayed too much gentleness in man-to-man relationships. The important point to take from this is that heteromasculinity is quite fragile, and that most men do not feel at ease in their own skins; when you add other factors such as the increase in visibility of proclaimed homosexuals, this puts their masculine identities at risk. 


Interactions of Homosexuality and Heteromasculinity

A significant point to note is that homophobia is a tool used by straight-men for heteromasculine identification. Most heterosexuals try to stay away from anything that could be considered as gay, in fear that they should be labeled as such. In fact, slurs about a man’s sexuality hurt more than those about their race or status. The heterosexual<male> will try to prove he is not gay by talking about his straight, masculine “qualities”: being married, having slept with multiple-or-enough-women, having kids, having a masculine job.

Funny enough, according to a research done by Lehne “20% of self-labeled homosexual men are married; 50% have engaged in sexual intercourse with women; 50% have at some time been involved in a relationship with a woman lasting more than a year” and even more surprising, “only 15% of homosexual men are suspected of being ‘gay’; there is no evidence that homosexual men avoid characteristically ‘masculine’ occupations”(as cited by Franklin, 1984, p.166). So there are no important trait differences between heterosexual men and homosexual men. Furthermore, one of the arguments used against homosexuality is that sodomy is an unnatural act. However, Kinsey supports with his studies done in the mid twenties, that 37% of men in the US-alone, have participated in homosexual sex.

Homosexuality is a part of society, and has been for a while: so what is the reason behind the fear towards gay men? And more specifically, what are the reasons behind homophobia?

 This fear of homosexuality is a tool used<by society> to make men conform to the patriarchy’s construct of masculinity. This masculinity entails using power and asserting dominance against women.-Franklin,1984. Those men, for example, who do not use power for their own benefit; who do not participate in the process of male power maintenance by defining and enforcing women’s sexual roles (e.g., sexual harassment or sexual exploitation of women); and who do not exhibit other sexual and nonsexual dominance traits can be labeled or threatened with being labeled “homosexual”. By labeling or threatening to label such men “homosexual”, its implied that they do not support the dominant male role, nor are they likely to use their male “power” to further the interest of males. (p.167)


Therefore, homophobia is used to keep men in line and to ensure that the patriarchy-system will stand and keep it’s status quo. Reason being, when a man is labeled “a homosexual” it reduces his power status and makes him less dominant, effectively removing him from the power structure. It’s also interesting to note that labeling someone as homosexual increases your own power-status.-Franklin, 1984

Through a researcher called Karr, it has been confirmed that “the labeler receive[s] an increase in power and status when he ‘help[s]’ group members confirm to societal expectations by ‘labeling’ a ‘homosexual’.

When this behaviour is left unchallenged it reinforces heteronormative masculinity, which scares men into following the set traits assigned to masculinity as no one wants to be excluded from the power structure. However, this masculinity will be reinforced only if the man himself already has a rigid definition of manhood (Mellinger & Levant, 2014).

Lastly another behaviour that reinforces heteronormative masculinity is the appropriation of gay sexual aesthetics.<referring to “cultural and stylistic distinctions used to delineate boundaries between gay and straight cultures and individuals (Bridges, 2014, p.59)> Sexual aesthetics have different components such as tastes (a concern with appearance or interest in certain kinds of literature); behavioural (bodily comportment and speech patterns); and ideological (supporting certain movements). Based on Bridges’ analysis of three groups of men supporting feminist ideologies, we find that some straight-men today use gay aesthetics to create hybrid masculinities. This is done by borrowing elements of the gay culture and even categorize themselves as such. Gay men are stereotyped in the western society, as effeminate and not manly.

“Well, of course, it’s gay if you go like this [cocks his wrists] and if you’re all pansy or whatever. It’s gay to talk like this [affects his voice]. But, it’s also gay if you’re, like, into how you look too much. . . . It’s gay if you’re all emotional . . . like if you cry or . . . or even if you care too much about your friends. That’s gay! It’s gay to read, or . . . like, if you like novels rather than books. That’s f*cking gay. It’s also gay to be into gay rights . . . or even women’s rights. That’s totally gay! Basically, being kinda gay could be a lot of things.”- One of the men Bridges interviewed in his study.

Effeminacy seems to be a big part in the stereotyping of gay men, and although the men in Bridges’ study label themselves as “gay straight” they reinforce the gay stereotype by “promoting stereotypes of effeminacy as a natural part of being a gay man, by identifying with aspects of these qualities.” These men identify as gay, not because of their sexual orientation but because they have been mislabelled as such in the past, and because they have gender transgressive behaviours (Bridges, 2014). They base themselves off popular-belief to classify themselves.

On the other hand, this behaviour gives more fluidity to heteronormative masculinity: as talked about previously, what constitutes as masculinity is fragile and changes over time, but this is the first time you have the incorporation of feminine elements into straight white masculine identities (Messner as cited by Bridges, 2014). These men wish to distance themselves from the normative requirements for straight masculinity; they want to be free to be emotional, have interests and be good fathers. The present behaviour is constructed from a claim to their right to be whoever they are, to be their own men:

“The guys I work with are just not the same kinda guy as me. . . . All of ’em . . . want action. . . . I’m just trying to be a dad and make a paycheck . . . . I actually am not all into this action . . . you know . . . like, an action kinda mindset . . . I don’t drink beer. . . . I really don’t like it. I mainly drink wine. But, I’m gay like that and it doesn’t bug me” (Bridges, 2014, p.69).

They are trying to break the mould by internalizing gay aesthetics, this shows that “straight men’s use of gay aesthetics may illustrate that stereotypes of homosexuality are not viewed negatively by all straight men”.  Some of the men in the study said that they found heterosexuality boring and meaningless and used that as an argument to favor gay aesthetics. Some also used gay aesthetics as a way to give weight to their ideologies: “They attempt to ‘queer’ their straight masculine identities with gay aesthetics to prove their moral worth, or with the understanding that gay aesthetics serve as evidence of ‘authentic’ feminist politics” (Bridges, 2014, p.77). It is necessary to add that although these hybrid masculinities blur the sexual differences between heterosexuals and homosexuals, they do not reduce the inequality but rather softens gay men’s claim to sexual inequality. Through their behavior they distance themselves from the macho-type of masculinity that they find “toxic” by incorporating gay aesthetics, all the while maintaining there’s a big difference between them and gay men.

“Their use of gay aesthetics is better understood as gender dis-identification. These men’s reliance upon gay aesthetics expands ‘acceptable’ performances of straight masculinity, but does so without challenging the systems of inequality from which they emerge” (Bridges, 2014, p.80).

A trend that follows hybrid masculinities closely is that of the metrosexual. The metrosexual defines a man of high disposable income that takes particular care with his appearance and grooming habits. This was a new discourse of masculinity of course: metrosexuality shows that the boundaries between feminity and masculinity are slowly being broken down. Of course metrosexuality mostly deals with fashionable materialism: here class is important because metrosexuality is a result of the commercialization of the men’s bodies through a consumerist culture (Shugart, 2008). Although metrosexuality was only a trend, it gave attention to the underlying issue of masculinity being in crisis.

The metrosexual isn’t ashamed to dress stylishly, or to care about his looks.<some pluck their eyebrows>. This made him the object not only for female-male gaze but also male-male objectification. The inclusion and acceptance of gay sensibilities in the mainstream world caused some panic for conservative members of society. The popularity of these sensibilities was said to represent the demise of the moral state of the North American society as it created an overlap between feminine and masculine traits and a mainstreaming of gay aesthetics.

As gender barriers have grown more fluid, so has the male appeal of accessories, grooming habits and health fads that once mattered only to women.

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This observation is consistent with the notion that commercial masculinity in any period or guise may be best understood as a logical, even inevitable, consequence of feminist challenges to cultural discourses and definitions of gender. (Shugart, 2008, p.285) The consumerist culture commercializes masculinity because it tells men that they need to look in such a way to be successful both with the social and work spheres.

One would presuppose that normative masculinity would be less rigid because of the feminization of men’s appearances, however they’d be wrong. By completely cutting off women from the metrosexual trend and using gay men as “mentors”, permitted to justify metrosexuality. Women are used as the reason behind metrosexuality: the male wants to redefine himself, let go of a crass and highly masculine and uncivilized personality to better impress the women in his life: “Even if intended humorously, as it no doubt was, metrosexuality was nonetheless crafted discursively against a very stable and powerful discourse of ‘innate’, authentic masculinity. (Shugart, 2008, p.290).

Gay men are used as mentors for this transformation as they are stereotypically perceived as having innate metrosexual sensibilities. The fact that straight men willingly followed metrosexual trends would have caused a fear of homosexuality if it were not for the increase in stereotyping of gay men as effeminate.

There’s a distinction that is made between effeminacy and feminity: feminity is natural as it is present in the female body, but on the other hand, effeminacy is “unnatural” because it is rooted in the male body (Shugart, 2008). Gay men are effeminate, hence unnatural: this is the logic that enabled heterosexuals to appropriate elements and styles of the gay culture. 

By positioning gay men as ‘‘unnatural’’ and effeminate men, the popular discourse of metrosexuality explicitly confronted, engaged, and offered resolution to the twin threats of feminization and ‘homosexualisation‘ posed by commercial masculinity without denying or even compromising its inherent homosocial foundations.

Straight men could collude with and capitalize on gay men’s aberrant status in order to increase their cultural capital, both with women and in terms of economic and professional success, to which the gay men essentially functioned as a link. (Shugart, 2008, p.294).

Not only did metrosexuality permit straight men to gather cultural capital, it also created grounds for homosociality. It created complicity between men while excluding women. It also got rid of the fear of homosexualisation by overemphasizing the queerness of gay men to create a hierarchy where normative masculinity was noted as dominant. It made homosociality an important part of normative masculinity: openly acknowledging metrosexuality further delimitated the boundaries between masculinity, feminity and queerness (Shugart, 2008).

Masculinity has evolved and adapted itself, as Shugart points out: “Indeed, the promotional tag line for the new men’s magazine, Cargo -a magazine exclusively about shopping- epitomizes the seamless synthesis of commercial and normative masculinities in contemporary popular consciousness: ‘Shop like man. Read it. Club it. Drag it home.’ ” (Shugart, 2008, p.298).

This evolution was partly fuelled by sexual prejudice as it maintains the dominance of heterosexuality in society while denigrating homosexuality. It appropriates what it needs and rejects the rest.


Normative masculinity is constantly changing, and it is true that contemporary masculinity is in crisis. It was based on an opposition of everything feminine and presupposed autonomy, competition, and aggressiveness as a means to getting power. However, the feminist movement and the overt proclamation of homosexuality in society have impacted masculinity by forcing it to adapt.

Today, being manly includes power but also a care of your appearance. Homophobic speech is intellectualized and used for heterosexual recuperation. However, environments were sexual prejudice is absent, are more favourable to the development of a stable heterosexual identity.

For a straight-man today to accept himself and revel in his identity, he needs to be at ease around gay men and not feel the constant need to differentiate himself from them; after all, the only difference between them is their sexual orientation.

Re-write of Kalla Ag Oumar’s paper on modern masculinity


a personal view point on one of the world’s biggest unsolved questions. Why do men cheat? And a solution to failing relationships.

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You know how, the world always says men are dogs because they like to chase a lot?Well, yes thats true because men are as faithful as their options.


Don’t take it wrongly but reality has [repeatedly]shown us that anybody[man or woman] will show a preference to anything he/she considers better quality. For example, if I have a number of coloured cups and a green cup is my best option, I’ll choose that cup as long as it remains the BEST option. So talking about faithfulness, doesn’t a guy only ask a girl to marry him/be his gf,when he considers her SPECIAL[or different] enough? Consedering that I’m a guy and I think that the answer’s yes, I should proceed and ask my next question. “what-then, do you think happens when that specialness in the girl/woman starts waning?” The man will leave sooner or later for pastures anew.Which I must say isn’t always the best option but hey what can I say? Aren’t we men,meant to be stupid?

Jokes!! But even if I was serious, it won’t be the first time that men have been accused of being stupid. When in fact, they aren’t. Einstein himself, once said and I quote: “Everybody is a genius. But if you judge a fish by its ability to climb a tree, it will live its whole life feeling stupid.” Men aren’t stupid, to me we all are moving pieces of a puzzle looking for the best option to click-in with. Yes some men adore sex,and they might want to get fidgety from time to time but if you treat your man right, he’ll never leave you.

Besides history has constantly shown that if you pay more attention focusing on the possibilities and chances that your man will go outside and philander, most at times, your fears will become reality. As such what you should do is prepare your self from day 1, to Focus and Cement yourself as the best option in his life.[not only at the moment.Think long term]You see, relationships are just like a business,once you build a competitive advantage, you maintain it. ‘Cause if you don’t, you’ll have yourself to blame once the unwanted,happens.

So if you have a man, show him your ideas of love, don’t try to think like a man because we don’t think. Rather,think like a woman and express that inner-beauty within you.Think like yourself and express yourself in a way that he feels comfortable with. This I say, because men and boys alike, [or maybe I’m talking for myself] are not turned off by the idea of love.I think, they secretly adore the thought of having one person to themselves. One person to love, cherish,disturb and adore.One loyal person to be a game buddy,gossip partner,cuddle partner and intimate lover-with. I mean,we love the idea but don’t go out looking for it.However, if we stumble upon  it, we’ll accept it whole heartedly. Especially if that our “she” is a lady in the streets, but a freak in the bed.

‘Cause, unlike women, men know that if they sleep around no one cares. Men know that its much cooler to be a ‘donjuan‘, than a ‘hoe‘. Men know that the term “fuckboy“, doesn’t really mean much if you look and talk good. So, we[men] readily and stupidly cheat/sleep-around even though we[men] know we like someone else. To us, it means nothing because we’re just relieving off some extra stress with a mirage that offered something different and maybe better than what you[the woman] offer[normally].

I mean, even though its sad, it’s the truth.So rather than fight the fact why not reduce your odds of being just “another-person“, being met on someone else’s journey to Venuziah? Why let what your precious time,and lovely personality put together, go asunder? When you know that if you keep on-complaining rather than take action, another option might win-over “your property“? Why not stop thinking too much-for once. Stop asking yourself why men cheat, how men think, and other such questions. It’s been settled men don’t think.

Don’t they say behind every successful man, stands a very motivating, and powerful woman. But behind the fall of a successful man, is a woman who offered something the main woman couldn’t.


Stop overworking yourself because what matters is what he thinks of you. How you present yourself to him,how you talk and make him feel.How you make him see your view-point/opinions. What matters most isn’t what is being said, rather it is how its being said. So on this new year, I wish you all the best in your life and relationship statuses. Don’t be quick to judge your partner.[if you have one] If he’s cheated already ask him why or what changed? If its the sex he wanted, learn to give him the best of what you got. If it is stress, find a way to be there for him.[But don’t be his mother] ’cause thats not your job… Your job is to be happy and not play mummy; cos after all he’s just another option in a massive pool of potential candidates/options.

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And if you are single, happy cuffing season. I wish you luck and prosperity.

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May the games begin.